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A request by a celebrity couple that their wedding guests help fund their nuptials is being branded “tacky” by some — while others insist cash is king.
American actress AnnaLynne McCord, known for her roles on “90210,” “Nip/Tuck” and “Days of Our Lives,” and her English former professional rugby player fiancé, Danny Cipriani, set up a page on Honeyfund, an online wedding and honeymoon registry, inviting people to contribute to wish-list elements of their “dream wedding.”
The registry lists wedding expenses ranging from $100 to $600, including the marriage license, reception beverages, photography, rehearsal dinner and floral arrangements.
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“Tacky is an ugly word, but it’s really unkind to ask your guests to give you money for any occasion,” Texas-based etiquette expert Diane Gottsman told Fox News Digital. “It really is impolite to straight out ask for cash. You let your family do the talking for you. You let your website do the talking for you.”
Gottsman said every couple needs a wedding registry to give options for guests, but asking directly for cash sets the wrong tone immediately.
Cash is easy to give, she added, and is acceptable to include as a request on a website for honeymoon funds, a down payment for a home, etc. — but it shouldn’t be the only option. Some guests prefer to give a gift, and it should be left up to them.
Actress AnnaLynne McCord is shown attending Rolling Stone Live SF with Talent Resources on February 6, 2016, in San Francisco, California. McCord and her fiancé, Danny Cipriani, have set up a page on Honeyfund, an online wedding and honeymoon registry. (Rich Polk/Getty Images for Rolling Stone)
“A gift is not an admission ticket to your wedding,” Gottsman said. “A registry makes it easier, but guests can do whatever they would like. It’s a gracious act of giving that they’re doing for you.”
Several Reddit discussions about cash wedding registries suggest attitudes vary, with some users saying the practice is a modern, accepted trend. Gottsman clarified that a cash option is perfectly acceptable, but that asking guests to pay for the wedding itself is “off-putting.”
One Reddit forum asked, “Is it bad to ask for money instead of gifts?”
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“No, most people do this now — majority of [the] weddings I’ve been to the last few years all were mainly cash registries,” one user replied.
“We did, and didn’t get any backlash and got money from everyone, except one friend who offered us either money or getting a meat subscription box,” another user responded. “And we love to cook, and good meat is dang expensive, so we took it — but we didn’t get any surprise gifts from people who refused to give us cash or anything like that.”
Cash is a perfectly acceptable wedding gift, according to an etiquette expert, but couples shouldn’t solicit funds for their nuptials. (iStock)
A Redditor identifying as an Asian person said the only gift you give or receive in that culture is money.
“Can someone please explain to me why it is such a ‘bad’ thing to not have a physical registry? Like, I don’t get it,” the person wrote. “If I want something, you giving me the money will let me buy it. If I already have everything I need, money can help re-coop the cost of the wedding or literally anything else. Money is the best, most versatile gift.”
“Why in American culture is it seen so negatively?” the person added. “I’m born and raised in the U.S., and I still never understood people’s issue with this.”
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“It’s a general taboo around money in American culture,” a fellow Redditor replied. “You’re not supposed to talk about money at all, honestly. So asking for it or exchanging it directly is frowned upon. That’s why there’s such a culture around signaling wealth indirectly. Having a big wedding or designer bags is how to flaunt wealth, not posting a screenshot of your bank statement.”
Someone else on Reddit asked if it would be rude to ask for money instead of gifts for her wedding — then edited the original post to say she decided against it and to include cash as an option among other gifts on her registry.
Couples should hold a wedding they can afford, rather than asking guests to help pay for it, an etiquette expert said. (iStock)
“Just have a honeymoon fund and few or no physical items on your registry, and most people will take the hint,” someone on the forum advised.
Gottsman encouraged couples to “think about the ask.”
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They should throw a wedding they can afford, because asking for cash sets a different tone for the celebration.
If a guest is reluctant to chip in on a couple’s wedding, Gottsman said there’s a gracious way to decline.
“Say, ‘I have something else in mind, and I’m really hoping you enjoy it,’ not, ‘I’m not giving you cash, because it annoys me,’” she said.
If a guest is reluctant to chip in on a couple’s wedding, there’s a gracious way to decline, said an etiquette expert. (iStock)
A timeless, go-to gift for a couple is something sentimental and thoughtful that you know the couple will like.
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If you don’t have any ideas, give them something they can return.
Make sure you are always including a gift receipt, Gottsman said.
