Iâm addicted to my phone. Wow, it feels good to say it! This uncomfortable truth sharpened recently when a friend shared her pet peeve about cell phones on the table when dining out with companions. âA phone on the table conveys that the person youâre dining with is not fully paying attention to you,â she said. She was paraphrasing the author and inspirational speaker Simon Sinek, who gave a talk about cell phonesâ impact on relationships in 2023.
My face flushed from shame as I was suddenly teleported to every previous meal out since phones got smart. If dining out alone, Iâd often set the phone on the table face up, ready to pounce on every notification like a cat in a laser-tag arena. If someone joined me, Iâd graciously turn it face down, as if to say, you have some of my attention â at least until something more interesting happens on my phone.
Itâs one thing to use our phones as emotional crutches or boredom killers when solo dining, but can we please stop leaving them on the table when we have company?
âWhen we think about the ways we communicate with people, over 55 percent of how someone receives us is through our nonverbal behavior,â says Mariah Grumet Humbert, a certified etiquette trainer and the founder of Old Soul Etiquette in New York City. âTaking your phone out at a table is going to automatically convey something through your body language, even if that wasnât your intention.â
If your intent is to be present for the conversation, that may not be how the other person perceives it âwhen your action is speaking louder,â she says. In fact this negative perception is likely magnified depending on the status of the relationship.
As a general rule, Humbert thinks devices donât belong on restaurant tables, with exceptions for business meetings and solo meals. Yet, being a modern etiquette expert often with her own phone in hand, she recognizes that theyâre a huge part of contemporary life.
