When the Nobel Peace Prizeâwinning activist Malala Yousafzai was fifteen, she was shot by a member of the Taliban for advocating for girlsâ educationâan event that, as she writes in âFinding My Way,â her new memoir, thrust her into âan unfamiliar, unbidden life.â For years to come, she would be gripped by âthe feeling that a giant hand plucked me out of one story and dropped me into an entirely new one.â In her book, Yousafzai reckons with the legacy of the incident, and traces the process of reconciling her private sense of herself as an âawkward teenagerâ with the public idea of her as a âmythical heroine, virtuous and dutiful.â She also writes about her mother, lovingly evoking her contradictionsâsimultaneous generosity and strictness, bravery and conservatismâand her influence. Not long ago, Yousafzai sent us a few notes about books of mother-daughter relationships she has enjoyed. Her remarks have been lightly edited.
How to Say Babylon
by Safiya Sinclair
This searing memoir follows a womanâs struggle to escape from a rigid Rastafarian upbringing in Jamaica. Reading it, I was reminded of mothers Iâve seen in patriarchal societies around the worldâwomen who silently bear domestic burdens and subjugation by their husbands, while equipping their daughters with the skills and determination they need to break free. Even though Sinclairâs father forbade her from expressing herself, her mother quietly gave her poetry books, teaching her the liberating power of literature. In that way, Sinclairâs mother put her on the path to becoming a writer.
Minor Characters
by Joyce Johnson
The lives of the unseen, unsung young women of the Beat Generation are the focus of this wonderful coming-of-age memoir, which was written by a novelist who dated Jack Kerouac when she was in her twenties. Although the book evokes that era deftly, much of the focus is on Johnsonâs childhood, and the way that she had to navigate her overbearing motherâs ambition that she become a famous composer.
When Johnson was twelve, she was forced to sit at the piano for hours a day, though even then she knew that she had neither the talent nor the âfeelingâ for music. Still, she pursued music into adulthoodâit was only when an elderly composer told her that if she didnât love to play, she should stop, that Johnson found the strength to choose her own dreams.
I think Johnsonâs story is one that daughters from many cultures and contexts can relate toâthe story of a mother who stifles their child with ideas of who she should be, rather than embracing who she is.
Little Panic
by Amanda Stern
Sternâs memoir recounts her experience with a childhood panic disorder. The book, which is both painful and funny, is ultimately a moving account of how helpless parents can feel when their children suffer. Sternâs mother was often erratic and closed off emotionally, amplifying Sternâs fear of abandonment. But itâs also clear that Sternâs mother was at a loss for how to help her daughter, despite wanting to make her feel better. I know my mom felt the same bewilderment when I struggled with my mental health, and âLittle Panicâ helped me empathize with herâto understand how frustrating it must be for a parent when they canât fix the problems inside their childâs head.
This American Woman
by Zarna Garg
People tend to think about mother-daughter relationships as ones where influence runs in one direction: mothers shape their daughters, in ways that can be both good and bad. But, in this book, the influence also runs the other way. Garg was a fortysomething stay-at-home mom when her daughter, Zoya, a teen-ager, noticed that Garg seemed to be yearning for a life beyond doing laundry and cooking meals. Indeed, Garg had long dreamt of being a standup comedian, but she thought it was too late. Yet, because of Zoyaâs persistence, Garg reluctantly agreed to give it a try, signing up for an open mike in the basement of a Mexican restaurant. Now, a few years later, Garg has a thriving career in comedy, thanks in part to Zoyaâs belief in her.
